It’s not my birthday yet but I decided to change the name of my blog to LIFE BEGINS NOW. For the first two months of 2017, I was at a low point. I felt lost and unsure of what to do. The enormity of turning 40 while still single haunted me. You can add in my feelings of un-attractiveness to the mix. I was miserable and felt like an utter failure. It seemed like I failed myself, my family and mostly myself. I was my own worst enemy, my harshest judge and critic. I had reached the ripe old age of almost forty with nothing to my name. (I exaggerate. I am healthy and so is my family and for that I am grateful.) And that was why I named it “Confessions of an Almost 40-year old Single Woman.” I was sad and that was how I saw myself. Looking at it now with more positive eyes, it felt like I pitied myself. There’s nothing wrong with 40 and single. It was all in my mind.
Starting the blog was a way for me to “release” my thoughts. If you had started reading the posts chronologically, you can sense the sadness and the emptiness. But as the days went on, I took charge of my life and what is within my power to change things. I embarked on a lifelong journey to eat healthy and concentrate on fitness. I started doing more creating instead of just thinking. I worked on my lip balm experimentation and my arts stuff. As I planned my blog entries, I felt this sense of empowerment and fulfillment. I was being productive in reality and not just in my mind.
It has only been a month but the positive effects are evident. I know that I wanted to change the name but I decided on Life Begins Now because I have this tendency to postpone life and happiness until a certain future event occurs like when I get married, when I have a family, when I get rich, when I get promoted or when I get thinner. But life doesn’t work that way. I can’t keep postponing happiness. It has to begin NOW no matter how perfectly imperfect I am. I choose to be happy and live in the NOW.